Welcome to any special visitors who are here for the first time, perhaps from the link on Mombian. We are just a happy family doing typical, family stuff. Please feel free to wander around our page- we have some cute pix and videos!
I am not usually political on this site, but I would like to take this opportunity to tell a sad story and issue a warning to other LGBT families (with or without children). Two weekends ago, I flew home for a funeral. Yes, it's the classic tragedy, but since it happened to people I love, I want to tell it for folks who may not understand how common this is. A friend of ours, a community leader, partner of almost 15 years to one of my closest friends passed away very unexpectedly in April due to an infection of the super-bug staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) in his lungs. Because he had always been healthy, and was young (57), he never got around to updating his will or creating legal documents for end-of-life decisions, his funeral, property, etc. One time, in the context of an argument told his partner that he would "get everything when I die", but apparently this was never put in writing. His family left his partner of 15 yrs out of the end of life discussion, almost didn't let him give a eulogy (in the end let him have 5 minutes), and is kicking him out of the house that was his home for 12 years. He has given them a list of things they bought together, gifts he gave him, etc. but is at their mercy as to whether he will get anything at all.
Approximately 300 people came to the wake and funeral, including the mayor, but only 5 minutes at his funeral (the ones given by his partner) paid tribute to who he had been. No other family members spoke, only the family pastor, who referred to my friend as the "very, very good friend" of the deceased.
And yet, my sweet and compassionate friend defends the family, saying that as painful as all of this has been, there have been moments of grace, such as when the oldest brother (who did not want him to give the euology) held him for several minutes after he spoke at the funeral, and when the aging father told him before the internment that he was glad that his family could be there (they all flew in). At least, he says, his partner was buried in his ring.
I, too, like to believe that this small-town family and pastor simply didn't have a context to understand their relationship, even though my friend had been there for family Christmasses and such, including last December. Would it have been different if they had had the opportunity to marry? Of course. Not only would my friend be given the legal rights automatically, but he would have been granted the dignity of being treated as a grieving spouse through this process. My heart breaks for him. This is not what his partner wanted for him.
If you have read this far, you know where I am going with this. PLEASE protect your family. Take the time to get the paperwork you need. Sadly, even the best legal protections won't do it all (e.g. social security), but they are much, much better than nothing. Even our straight brothers and sisters need to think about this stuff. Please see the following resources for help:
"Get your Ducks in a Row" Campaign- A website from RainbowLaw.com that provides free help to LGBT folks for estate planning
GLAD- Gay and lesbian legal rights defenders
Lambda Legal Defense fund-When you need to fight discrimination in court
CNN Money.com- Basic estate planning
No comments:
Post a Comment