In celebration of #LGBTQFamiliesDay, I thought I'd share our experience as a two-mom family during our recent four-month stay in New Zealand. We received many questions both from people there and friends back home about this aspect of our experience, not covered in my other posts about our travels. Here they are, with our answers.
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| Family portrait in Fijordland |
Top questions answered about our New Zealand trip regarding being an LGBTQ family:
1. Did you experience any discrimination?
Answer: Nope. We were living in a university town with a population of 120,000 (Dunedin, on the South Island), surrounded by rural countryside known to be conservative. We travelled extensively around the South Island and a bit on the North Island. Everywhere we went we were treated with respect by businesses and casual interactions with strangers. I was impressed with the results of what I call the "flinch test"- when I casually out myself to a new person I watch their reaction; almost universally there was none.
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| Welcoming sticker on a business in Wanaka |
Kiwis are known to be generally progressive politically, as evidenced by the current
Labor Party Prime Minister, Jacinda Arden and by the fact that New Zealand gave women the vote in 1893, long before nearly any other country.
Its laws are supportive of gay and lesbian people: New Zealand was the 13th country to support marriage equality (in 2004) and gay and lesbian people could serve openly in the military since 1993.
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| Coloring pages for Pride in Dunedin |
Of course, this isn't to say that there is no discrimination or bigotry in New Zealand; we heard a few stories from individuals that showed that there is definitely still room for improvement. A telling litmus test is that we met several people who were still closeted.
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| Good, ole-fashioned lesbian pot-luck with the "L Club" |
2. Did you connect with the LGBTQ community there?
Answer: Did we ever! Of course, there is no single "community" anywhere; two groups we engaged with in New Zealand were lesbian and gay families and a lesbians group. Due to Fran's social-media savvy, we actually connected some families in Dunedin who hadn't known each other before -- creating community! One of these families, two dads and a son, had never met other gay parents before. The lesbian group we got to know was "the L Club:" mostly boomer-generation women who have been meeting for dinner once a month at a local cafe for several decades. We had them over for a potluck in honor of
my mother's (also a lesbian) visit. It was a roaring good time and got them thinking they might start meeting at each other's houses. We found everyone warm and welcoming.
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| Our son shows off his creation for Dunedin Pride |
"We" are everywhere, of course, as evidenced by some sweet meetings with other queer folk in small towns. In
Bluff, the most southern town in the world, we met Xavier, a fellow member of the tribe, who was so delighted to meet us that he gave us a free souvenir and invited us to tea. Because a boy calling one woman "Mama" and the other "Mommy" in public outs us, random strangers would approach us, like the two lesbians at the cafe in Takaka.
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| The wonderful volunteers making Pride happen in Dunedin |
3. Do they have Pride?
Answer: You bet! Of course, the big cities of
Auckland and
Wellington have the biggest LGBTQ Pride events (click on city names to see their events), including parades, but even small
Dunedin had a well-publicized week of events. There wasn't a parade or a festival, but every day of "
Pride Week" there were several activities, including an art gallery exhibit and a baby-making workshop. We were traveling some that week but made it to the picnic, which was held in the art gallery because the ground was too wet at the park (Dunedin lives up to its nickname, "Mudedin"). By this point, we were running into plenty of people we had met already, including new friend Jenny, who had sketches and journalling displayed at the gallery documenting her full-body transition-surgery experience.
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| Jenny takes me for a spin on the dance floor during a Dunedin Pride event |
4. Are there resources for LGBT people there?
Answer: At least in the big cities, it appears so. We were impressed to visit
The Women's Bookshop where our son purchased a lesbian-mom-friendly Mothers' Day card, and we got a "groom & groom" card for our friends' upcoming wedding. A quick Google search shows sites for resources for LGBTQ Kiwis, including
gayz.net.nz.
Equaldex.com lists six organizations for New Zealand.
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| The card Jeremy gave us on Mother's Day while in New Zealand |
For us-- a white, able-bodied, cis-gendered lesbian couple and their adorable son-- being in New Zealand was easy and a joy. Are you LGBTQ and have travelled to New Zealand? Feel free to share your experience in the comments.
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